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the message was like a jolt from the dark

for a moment i wondered

yet there was no one else whose number i didn’t have and who would have bothered

pleasantly surprised you remembered

but also hoping it didn’t mean that everything remained vivid in your head

the blog was started to be the harshest riposte to help you forget  

yet along the way i lost the plot till the end it was a bloody mess

you would have thought it was easy saying all the mean things

it was tough knowing it would hurt you

yet comforted by the fact that it could save you from further agony

the truth could have given you false hope

or might have upset you more but i would never know

because i kept the fact that a ring remained in my drawer

and colleagues asked why i looked unhappy through the days

yet no one knew the fact that seeing you disrupted the entire day

and made me more upset than i thought i would be 

i told you how selfish i was right from the start when you were all but blinded

and even when i made the decision to confess, i remained so

yet as i read that the infatuation had turned to something a lot deeper 

i realized i couldn’t continue being selfish and make you hold on for nothing

you never knew if i was reading on, but i always was

when you unfollowed me, i thought it was all done and exorcised and you would have been over me in a blink of an eye but how wrong i was

and in came a stupid idea to make you forget

to make you believe forgetting you was the easiest thing possible

but i think it never had the desired effect and instead prolonged the agony

yet the truth is i never forgot, and constantly wondered the same thing you were wondering - so eager to ask how you were doing, but never had the courage for fear of jeopardizing whatever i was hanging on to

an abode of old

when you run a secret as dark as mine, molded in the form of regret

unable to tell a soul, ready to carry it to the grave 

an outlet is all i seek, for an output i couldn’t find

so i run back to this old abode, betting that you have given up

but as my luck would go i would never say never, but hope that you did

because if you’re returning so, then it was a zillion times worse than i had envisaged

then again i lit the threat that caused you to lose the close one who carried the torch 

i’ll never know whether you have that someone to turn to 

but i pray you do so that you never have to live with the bottling as i do